The Man Behind Curtain 321

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Ah, but some of you HAVE been paying attention… now it’s us and them.

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…and that is what makes following the yellow brick road so much fun.

8)

One alert reader wrote and asked me how long it takes to write a certain post (like the last one) and the process I use; i.e. do I write it out long hand on a legal pad first or directly to the computer and transfer or do I write exclusively to WordPress and post, etc.  Let me first say, writing is a love/hate affair with oneself.  Writers write because they have to, want to, love to, need to and sometimes… hate to, too.

I have to presume that what she is inquiring about first and foremost is…  what inspires in the first place, because it would be difficult for me to write if I were not motivated in some capacity; like to achieve power, riches or fame.  But none of these has transpired over the course of nearly 3 years… yikes!  HAS IT REALLY BEEN THAT LONG?  Let me check… Yup, May 2006.  So it has to be due to something else… some type of longing, a desire to create or communicate.

Maybe I just need a hug.  It is  a blessing and a curse, this introspective solitude…  a two edged sword, a napkin doily, an  addictive placebo…

Usually, I write directly to WordPress.  I have not bothered to link to any other service in order to expand my audience basically because…  1) I am too lazy  2) I don’t know how and 3) I am too lazy to learn how.  When I began in May ’06,  I didn’t even know how to categorize my posts and for six months I was thrilled to find an average of  6 people reading per month.  Those were dark days because I enjoy writing and hoped there would be an audience out there for me but I basically relied on the uncatergorized Gods of the Internet biosphere to guide readers to me.  That did not work.    When I realized that categorically I was off in the blue like a kite without a string, my audience grew and so did my enthusiasm.  I don’t know if I could have continued on writing just to put words in cyberspace because every writer wants an audience, a readership, a person involved and responding to his efforts…  even if that person is oneself being lifted from the doldrums of life.

I try to write what I would like to read, not necessarily in content but more of a style, from the heart.  Sometimes it depends on my mood, sometimes I am trying to lift myself out of a mood, sometimes I am just killing some time and find a mood channel; happy, sad, quizzical, comical, musical, whimsical or lackadaisical but always trying to remain suitable for print.  There is always the feeling that I am not good enough.

And like my mother used to say…  you are your own worst critic…  so my little bits are never quite polished,  just abandoned for something else more interesting.

Usually I write directly to WordPress and post in one sitting.  That is not to say I might not have an idea out of the blue that I mull over for days or even weeks.  There may be times when doing a bit of research (a teensy, tiny bit never hurt)  I’ll stumble upon another topic and think…”I’ll have to write about that.”  Sometimes it will lay there and ferment for a while, other times I’ll begin a draft then leave it for something more pressing then return after the excitement of the interruption piece dies down.  There may be unceasing editing after I’ve posted an entry, but only until the next one comes along.  I’ll read and re-read them while they are the latest and greatest, then lose them amongst the archives.

There have been times when words just blaze out of my fingertips and I rip off 1500  with ease, other times I will work in increments as time permits but I’m not conscious of a word count because I’m not paid by the word.  Some topics just garnish a little more enthusiasm or require more input.

Chances are once a post is up I do not go back and change it unless  there is something I have misstated or misspelled, though the last post I put up is considered the most current and CAN be added to or changed if I see fit.   I have recently gone back to add to certain posts because they may be of an ongoing concern, like why I hate the Pittsburgh Steelers or the indictment of Ted Stevens.  But once a new post is up I rarely go back and change anything on the previous posts.  It is like a writing instructor once told me, once it is in print… it is done, left to praise or ridicule.  You’re nearly a laugh but you’re really a cry…

There was a time in my youth when I was at a party and became violently ill.  Suffice it to say I was not accustomed to the elements and free flowing volume surrounding party favors in those days, and though I did inhale many, many times I have since been clean for over 30 years… but anyway.  As I lay outside of the house I was visiting wallowing in my own recycled booze and misery,  I could hear something blasting over the stereo inside… a surreal refrain that I had haunting me for years afterward.  In fact, I did not even recognize the artists who had recorded the music.  But it dwelt within my subconscious for decades, coming back around like a mystical, re-occurring  voodoo chant… ha ha charade you are.

Writing is like that to me. I don’t know why I do it, I just do… I have written all my life, since grade school.  I remember the first poem I wrote in grade 1.  (no, not a love serenade…) It is always there, waiting to be expelled, vomited out while the music soothingly plays in my head.

I do not recall it’s source…  but I do know contented relief in the aftermath of its revulsion.

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Post #321… thanks,  seamonster02!

peace

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