a holiday wish…

I didn’t really know her all that well, but I liked her alot.  She was an attractive woman in her early 30’s who smiled the friendliest smile and took a complement with a blushing shyness that egged me to pour it on just because I could…

I go to this one restaurant for breakfast alot,  I pass dozens on the week-end because I consider the servers and management here my friends… and they seem to like me, too.  Though I am repeatedly told it is not because of my generous tipping. (20%, right?  I DO that!)  Occasionally the GM will join me, or my business partner and me if it is a weekday, and we’ll talk about all kinds of incriminating stuff… like online romances, politics and my view of the world.  Usually I am the fodder for their little digs, (even the servers chime in their two cents) but I am usually in good humor and just let it roll off.  I figure if they are picking on me they are leaving someone else alone and since  I have the shoulders to carry it, I do so with pride… I know my heart and it is content within itself.

This week -end, Saturday, was a beautiful day in S.W. Florida.  In fact, the weather this month has been  gorgeous, perfect for the ol’ convertible and a tank full of gas.  The only thing that could possibly make it better is a green eyed girl with a smile that lights up like a canvas… the portrait of an astonishing soul rush.

Sometimes I ask who is working the floor and if I haven’t seen one person for a while I’ll request their section.  A regular has to be careful to spread the love around, otherwise hurt feelings could be the result, or so I tell myself.  It is quite possible that they could give two hoots whether I sit in their section or not, but since I am a celebrity in my own mind I prima donna where I choose.  They stick me in the corner, out of sight and out of mind but my server knows my requirements and is at my side in a flash with hot water, tea and honey (there are advantages to being a regular.)  I had purchased the daily newspaper and was all set for a leisurely read, steamin’ hot tea and undisturbed bliss.  But within minutes one of my girls came up to me and had obviously been crying.

“Have you heard about…?”

“No, what’s up?”

“She died last night!”

“What?  How?”

“She had a heart attack!  She was receiving a blood transfusion, had a heart attack and died!”

“A heart attack!  she was so young! why a blood transfusion?”

“She lacked iron, she’s had them before… I can’t believe she’s gone!”

I couldn’t believe it, either.  This warm, friendly woman with 3 kids was gone, six weeks before Christmas.  No husband, a single mother who struggled to make ends meet by waiting on me and smiling her smile regardless of my whimsy was not coming back to work… and something inside of me hurt real bad.

I know the holidays are over played, over commercialized, over spent, over sung, over emphasized, and ever downplayed by the likes of me… but this approaching holiday season caught me wondering about those little kids who as of that Saturday morning still didn’t know their mother had died the night before, pending notification of the next of kin. 

Even in my generosity I have been selfish in my spirit.  Even in my kindness I have been with holding joy to the world.  Even with all the love I hold in my heart right now, and sometimes  feel I may burst because of it… I do not love enough.

Last year something happened the day before Christmas eve to make me stop and take accounting for my bah humbugness, I guess this year will be no exception… and it happened early enough that I won’t be forgetting it too soon with the ringing in of the new year.

I tell myself that I don’t need a holiday to buy a gift for someone I love.  I don’t need a holiday to think of Jesus and his sacrifice for all mankind and especially thankless sinners such as myself.  I don’t need a holiday to think “peace on Earth, goodwill to men.”  But I do need reminders…

I need to be reminded that life is fragile and unrehearsed;  a gentle whisper to a loved one far away… the fog of the mirror when you are shaving, the song that you play when you think of her, the morning sun that you squint at while cursing traffic, the breeze that you imagine will carry her name each time you breathe it…  each time you utter the words…

do I say it enough?  I love you.

This life we lead;  all that we hold dear… all that we can hope from it… all that we put in and take out… all that we aspire to… all that we leave behind… this life, is fleeting and can be gone before we are ready to give it up.

So… this is my holiday wish:  take stock, my friends.  That person that you may be sending to and fro to gather your napkins, fetch your tea, take back burnt toast and will pleasantly ask if there will be anything else?  is counting on you to remember what this life and this holiday season is all about…

Giving. 

please… receive it graciously.

peace. 

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8 Responses to “a holiday wish…”

  1.   a holiday wish… by techwall Says:

    […] more here […]

  2. Chantal Says:

    Very sad and touching….thank you for bringing meaningful reflection to my morning solitude. Too often, I forget the fragility of life as I go about my daily mothering tasks, and the sudden absence of the children for a week is a brusque reminder to not take any moment with anyone for granted. I feel for that woman’s children……You have taken a very tragic event and given a new direction to an old concept, that of sharing our humanity with those around us, of giving first & not waiting for the payoff.

    I told you this before, you make me want to live better.

    Peace, my friend
    Chantal

  3. babychaos Says:

    The way I see it is this. Every night, when you go to bed you have to be all square with everyone. They have to know you love them, you have to have settled arguments, in short you have to know that if you died during the night there isn’t anything you would regret not having said or done.

    You never know whether a day will be your last so you have to make damn sure you appreciate and use each one.

    Great post, made me think.

    Cheers

    BC

  4. Womanofroyce Says:

    extremelly sad for those little children.
    I only hope there is someone to take great care of them as they learn to live life with out their mama.
    no one should have to do that.
    How sad.
    I thank the Lord daily for my many blessings and I only hope that all those I love know that I love them.
    Thanks for the reminder here though.
    God bless and I love you!!
    Love Marge

  5. damewiggy Says:

    i’m so sorry you lost your friend. too young. too soon.

    strange how people that might not otherwise know they touch our lives do.

  6. seamonster02 Says:

    What will happen to the children? Do they have grandparents to go live with or will they end up lost in the foster care system?

    Very sad.

  7. chrisfiore5 Says:

    as of today I gather the children will live with their grandparents… no idea if this is a temporary thing or what.

    hopefully the family will rally in support… as families usually do.

    thanks for the comments all.

    peace.

  8. rolz911 Says:

    Hi there.. followed a link fr last yr here. yeah.. Often in life we hesitate in love. Fear taunts and hurl it’s valid deductions. Leaving us as subdued poker faces. -For this I cant say for sure I could always break it’s spell although I hope I do grow stronger to. Cheers wishing u the Lord’s everlasting love this Christmas..

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