I cannot write the way I feel right now to my loved one… she is sad this day and will not listen to my reassurance that things will work out fine.

So instead… I will tell you, and imagine that she hears me.

It is not always easy to be the eternal optimist that I am, there are powers beyond my control that weigh heavily on my mind at times… social injustices and oppression worldwide not withstanding.

I beat myself up, think about things I can’t change… worry about stuff that happened long ago, fret along the lines of what might have been. And if my past decisions have affected the ones I love to their detriment, part of my spirit cries out for my blood. I must expel any thoughts of self condemnation, otherwise I could not come up with some sort of restitution, find a way to balance the scales and validate my decision as being the best I could do at the time, given the circumstances.

I guess we all do that… it is human nature to stop and self evaluate once in awhile. If we aren’t doing it, we have no conscience and that is a sign of arrogance.

Humility is a fragile thing… not enough and we appear haughty, too much and we come off as timid. To find balance… that is the key. We are the only ones that truly know ourselves; our motivations… our secret fears… our private concerns… our self satisfying triumphs… even our morbid thoughts.

I feel we must actually like who we are in order to survive this mortal coil, otherwise we are play acting to an insensitive audience that doesn’t care if we are happy or sad, rich or poor, black or white… there is how you project yourself, how others perceive you and the person that you actually are on the inside. Our happiness comes from who we are known only unto ourselves, those other perceptions do not amount to a hill of beans if our id is not satisfied.

How do we do that? change our personal outlook? overcome the self incrimination that plagues our emotions when we should be counting our blessings? there are a variety of ways, volunteer time… donate funds… share ourselves with loved ones, these obviously come to mind.

A barometer is an instrument that measures atmospheric pressure. We can predict the weather by using such an apparatus and realize the potential of another day. I think our minds serve as a barometer at times, responding to pressure… the pressure we put on ourselves. What will our outlook be? what of that potential the future holds?

I’m not a weatherman, I can’t predict our future… but I do know this. No matter what the condition of your thoughts  in reflecting on your past decisions, if your mind is in a fog and you find yourself stumbling… reaching out… lost in despair, take heart!

There are fair winds blowing and the sun still shines. There are rainbows in those clouds… and they are made to bridge the gaps between you and me.

Tomorrow… all the potential for happiness lies in the promise of another day… and it will be glorious.

I guarantee it.

much peace, my fair one.


4 Responses to “…underwhelming”

  1. damewiggy Says:

    stunning, touching, inspirational, and so pretty.

  2. msdane Says:

    Definitely gave me some food for thought. I tend to be overly self-critical and I know I shouldn’t be.

    Love you.

  3. Chantal Says:

    Thank you.

  4. chrisfiore5 Says:

    thanks, girls…

    my fair one needs my understanding at all times… I am happy to oblige her.


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