rules of engagement

Have I mentioned that I am a hopeless romantic?  …to a fault, I suppose.  I believe in love.  I believe in the power of love to move mountains… ford streams…. travel great distances… set up housekeeping and rob you of your sensibilities.  Yep, I’m one of those who howl at the moon, swoon at the slightest sentiment and croon all those forgotten love songs that nobody sings anymore.  I don’t know why they don’t sing them anymore, those lyrics still ring true for me, but they just don’t.  Like love is a doormat and people just get tired of having their hearts stepped on, I guess.  Those old songs are worn and ground with the dirt of past romances… but I still admire and welcome them.

But of all the variable ways there are to say ‘I love you’ nothing says it quite like…  well, “I love you.”  When those words are spoken there is no turning back.  You’ve made a commitment, at least… I have.  So when I say, “I love you” you can bet I do, because my heart only has room for the ones I love…  the rest are inconsequential.

I still love all those I have loved in the past.  It is not easy sometimes, but I can’t change the way I feel.  To hold those feelings for a few hours, days or even decades is the ultimate for me and I can’t let that emotion go when the relationship is over.  I’m the guy sitting alone in the corner with the confetti strewn about, the noise cranker in hand and the pointy little cone hat still perched cock-eyed on his head.  I should wear a sign, “I’m in love, wake me when the party’s over” because I sleepwalk in love and end up here… wondering why I wear my heart on my sleeve and allow everyone else to blow their noses on it.

I was talking to my daughter the other night, she had just broken up with her boyfriend of two years.  A tough break, because she took on all his emotional baggage and ended up getting left at the depot.  She was a bit bitter and swearing off men for awhile… saying things like, “Who needs love?” but not in those exact words.  I love my little girl, it is hard not to want to rise up and beat the ones that hurt her to a pulp, but I refrain because I know how she feels when love is good… and I know she still cares about him.  I tell her, “I’d rather have been in love a hundred times than to have never been in love at all.” and I know it sounds cliche’ but I honestly do feel that way.  She thinks her dad is naive and lives in a fantasy land, and perhaps I do… but it is my fantasy and I am happy to abide by it.

There are no rules to follow, maybe it is best that we make those up as we go along.  What works for some might not work for others… it is a learn as you go process…  trial and error, hit and miss, throw love up against the wall and see if it sticks.  Why, I don’t know…  there is no one to enforce them (if there were any) so we are virtually lawless in love with no rules of engagement.

We really aren’t long for this earth, when you stop and think about it.  Why all this struggle and strife? Why all this conflict and futile pursuits?  There are plenty of rules to guide us in that regard, but still that elusive happiness does not find us.  What is that old saying?  God blessed the foolish in love? 

I’ll take that blessing without reservations… again.



3 Responses to “rules of engagement”

  1. Womanofroyce Says:

    To love and be loved is one of the greatest joys on earth!!!!

  2. seamonster02 Says:

    Great post – I admire your resiliency.

  3. 1poet4man Says:

    To love, fall in – or be out of love – to notice, who am “I” in any of these states; these are the only pursuit worthy of our attention…nice!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: