God Needs An Hour With Doctor Phil

Okay, I know what you’re thinking…  what does Phil know that God doesn’t?  But before I address that question let me elaborate a little on why God needs an hour with Doctor Phil.

I don’t know how many people out there watch Phil or have read his books but I do know that he is very popular with at least 1/3 of the population in our house.  On the rare occasion that the two of us are home in the late afternoon together, his program is the one of choice by at least 1/2 the people sitting on the couch, and it is usually the predominant half.  I’m not saying that I am a wimp (you are, no doubt) but I just find it easier to go with the flow.  I have surmised that it might have had something to do with what happened to me during pre-birth to persuade me now to be so easily maneuverable  in my relationships though I know have just acquiesced to the alpha male gender bender military complex hex tootsie roll popular opinion poll that men don’t know what they want anyway… or at least we don’t know what is good for us.  Is that clear?

So I come home tired and hungry, a little bit grumpy but otherwise easy to live with…  what I really want to do is put the CD player on random and chill with some Dave Matthews and the like but what I get is Phil giving out this advice that you’d swear YOU HAVE SAID a dozen times before but it now suddenly makes all the sense in the world because PHIL said it and I think… “I need a gig like that.”  Just to sit back and espy with out any fear of contradiction or a challenging of ones credentials must really be hard on the old ego.  I’ll bet he even picks out his own ties.

It amazes me that Phil can hear testimony during the span of say… 17 minutes, and know EXACTLY what the problem with you is and he KNOWS how to fix it!  I’ve also noticed that the other experts on his program always seem to agree with him.  I think it would make for better television if Phil had a guest therapist that might question his summerization or diagnosis.

Phil: ” Robin has a paranoid compulsive disorder.”

Guest therapy person: “No, she’s suffering with an identity crisis.  I’d say that she’s a Winona wanna be.”

Phil:  “You mean as in  ‘Girl Interrupted’ ” ?

Guest therapy person:  “No, as in a shoplifter afraid of being caught.”

Anyway, getting back to why God needs an hour with Dr. Phil.  Phil’s good ol’ boy home spun country charm and dynamic good looks are only preceded by his uncanny ability to be right ALL THE TIME!  There has never been a challenger to Dr. Phil’s ability!  When things go wrong in the world people all most certainly blame God for their woes, or when the world is in such a fix it isn’t Phil’s fault… it’s God’s!  People always say, “God made me this way… that’s why I do what I do.”  Like the fault is with God and not their own.  I NEVER hear ANYONE blame Dr. Phil for their being born black or poor or mentally challenged, or for that matter… being born white or rich or competent enough to pick out their own ties.

So there you have it, God needs an hour with Dr. Phil… if not for any other reason than to prove to the world that Phil’s advice is not God given… or maybe it is.  Perhaps the packaging has just been over looked. 


3 Responses to “God Needs An Hour With Doctor Phil”

  1. januarys Says:

    I love this stuff. You could totally totally be Dr. Phil, and that’s no bull. I am starting to wonder if you are my friend Glen, he thinks everything you think.

    Dr. Phil drives me crazy because southern charm… works on southerners and that’s what I am. So the people I know can be so cool, but then out of nowhere it’s like, don’t rip on Phil.

    Why am I posting all this on your blog? I think I have a fever.

  2. chrisfiore5 Says:

    hey januarys… I don’t doubt Phil’s sincerlity and most of his advice is common sense, but who does he turn to for council… the mirror?

  3. insanuase Says:


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