Eleven Lords a-leaping

Okay, you got me.  It should be ‘eleven pipers piping, ten lords a-leaping’ but I just don’t get it.  What are lords leaping for anyway? and what does that have to do with gift giving, especially on Christmas?  If I were the lyricist I would have written it, ‘eleven lords a-leaping’  because it flows better with the L-L-L rather than “eleven pipers piping’, don’t you agree?  There isn’t much out there that rhymes with “eleven” other than “seven” or “heaven” or perhaps, “leaven” but who uses those words to discribe lords leaping?  It has to do with phonics, “eleven lords a-leaping” just sounds better.  I don’t know if it would be that much more difficult to store 11 lords than 10 so why not just go with the flow?

Funny songs about Christmas are not what everyone has on their minds at the end of June but while we are on the subject, do you realize there are only about 180 shopping days left til Xmas ’06?  Time surely flies.  I read today that most women will have their holiday shopping done by the end of October, while most men wait until the final few days prior to December 25th to even start THINKING about it.  Then we scurry around as if this holiday just crept in out of the blue and caught us un-awares.  ( If you scroll down to the “Cinco de Juno” entry you can rehash my feelings on holidays in general.)  Aren’t men silly?  I don’t know why we procrastinate the way we do, especially when we have all these constant reminders, like Christmas music in September (yes, it keeps getting earlier) and holiday sales right after Halloween… just in time for Christmas!  (Like it was going to be late!)  Men just have more important things on their minds, like football. 

You see, football never comes early enough and always ends too soon.  They should have patterned Christmas after football!  Men would eagerly anticipate that holiday like no other!  and if gift buying were equated to touchdowns can you imagine the enthusiasm?  what about football Christmas cheerleaders during the yuletide carols?  Ho ho hottie!  we could even have a football Christmas centerfold, an all football Christmas channel, football Christmas instant replay… FANTASY football Christmas!  Whoa! imagine the possibilities!  Come to think of it, why isn’t there a football Christmas Hall of Fame?  There could even be football Christmas themed team names, like the Memphis Mistletoes, the Elgin Eggnogs, or the Fruitville Fruitcakes.  Gosh, I’ll bet we could stretch this football Christmas thing clear past the Pro Bowl to the Spiked Punch Bowl!

Now you’re probably thinking I’m some sort of a heathen that doesn’t believe in the Almighty, which is simply not true.  (Hey, Notre Dame has a ‘touchdown’ Jesus!)  I’m just trying to make a case for the male populace that needs to see past the hype of the holiday and know it for what it really is, a boost for the sagging economy.  This may smack of sacrilege, but every year we hear reports about how the “final quarter” of the year’s business depends so heavily on holiday shopping.  If men were properly motivated each seasons end would be a boon to the industry rather than a crap shoot. 

Think about it… and then, ask a man,  I’ll bet if this year there was a football Christmas it would ensure his geniune interest… his spending would come unabated and often.  But if you didn’t get what you wanted this year there would always be the off season to make your case for the following year… and the holiday wouldn’t catch him by surprise, either. 

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