Archive for June 19th, 2006

pieces of eight

June 19, 2006

While thinking back on the future my past is never present, dwelling in the past leaves my future presence broached with guile. 

Money isn’t the root of all evil, I know this.  Not because I have a lot of money, but I know people that have a lot of money and they are not bad people.  I know people that do not have very much money and they are not evil either.  Suffice it to say that people are good or bad regardless of their financial statement but there are good people with money.  I like that in people, that they can have more money than me and still be good, because I’d sometimes like to think that their money corrupts them because they won’t give me some.  I know I deserve money, not just their money but money in general, but I have discovered something very disturbing about myself… I am not lucky.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not jinxed… I don’t walk around with a dark cloud over my head.  I don’t give off the vibe of ill tidings or bring people down on their luck further misery.  I’m just not lucky.  I don’t think most people are, otherwise we’d all be rich. 

I think I am your average good person… I work, pay bills, dream, and aspire, but still… I am not lucky.  I have been in situations when luck would come in pretty handy but still it eludes me, thumbs its nose at my quaint little episodes of wants, needs and desires then scurries off to find some wealthy, retired person to bless them with further good fortune instead.  But I am not jealous, I do not begrudge them their overflowing of monetary gain, their orgy of incorrigible cash, the padding of layers upon layers of insidious loot.  I am better than that.  So I have made it my resolve to treat people with money the same as everyone else. 

I read in the paper that our society has been more generous lately than ever before, what with giving to relief in Asia and Africa, hurricane victims and stuff like that, and it is a good feeling to know that when the chips are down… people come through, and it is not just people with money.  There are volunteers out there working that may not have a permanent home of their own.  School children are willing to donate time and effort, corporations are sponsoring relief drives, artists are offering their talent.  When I hear these things it restores my faith in humanity.  People are willing to give a piece of what they have for the betterment or recovery of someone else and that is a good thing. 

 But what does all this have to do with me not being lucky?

When I finally came to the conclusion that good fortune and glad tidings were not coming to me at the hands of something other than my own hard work, motivation and sheer gumption, things got easier.  Imagine just hanging out on the street corner waiting for my ship to come in and then realizing I was the captain of my own vessel!  It was a revelation to say the least.  It definately lightened my load and lowered my expectations because I know what my limits are when there is no luck involved. 

So I’m not singing the blues over my situation, it is a relief… really.  There are no pressures other than those we put upon ourselves and I have found peace knowing that I am not lucky. 

You may be, though…   but I’m not judging.